Websters defines introvert as an individual whom directs their interests to themselves and not to friends and social activities. This can be a difficult idea to accept about yourself when going through a divorce. At a time when social interaction is most needed and beneficial, the introvert is most likely to avoid it. Withdrawing from friends and family is very common and not always a bad thing, but may feel that way. The way I see it, it is a means of processing information before jumping in.
I didn't realize or maybe even accept that I had an introverted personality when I began going through a divorce back in 2008. To be honest, my situation and ugliness of the divorce may have over shadowed a lot of other issues that I wouldn't see for years. But during that time and not giving my personality much thought, I beat myself up because of the social awkwardness I would often encounter. I would force myself to go out to social events and feel uncomfortable or make the excuse “I'm not ready to meet people”. Sometimes I would feel guilty and angry with myself because I just didn't want to go out with some friends and do something.
My ex was a very extroverted person and it was difficult to watch as she socially drifted away. There were many other issues with our divorce , but this particular one hurt me emotionally for some time. I didn't understand how much the introvert/extrovert relationship could effect me so profoundly. I wanted to be that person that went out and had something to talk about with everyone. Well, I just wasn't that person. The extrovert may appear to get things they want materialistically, but the introvert has more of an opportunity to get what they desire internally. It took me some time to see this , but it was a turning point in my recovery of going through a divorce. Acceptance of who I was was vital and internalizing many of the good qualities of an introvert have carried me through.
Introverts going through a divorce have a chance to exploit strengths that can become the roadwork to a healthier, more fulfilling recovery. This unique opportunity can be taken full advantage of through meditation and self reflection, which the introvert poses the ability to have a clearer understanding of. Through practice, all can enjoy the benefits of meditation, but the introvert has an innate sense of energy that can allow them a better understanding of themselves and others.
When going through a divorce, there were certain activities that I found the best therapy for me. I enjoyed my alone time and at the same time, found a way to inserted some social interaction with it.
Mediation would have helped me so much longer before I figured out how easy and beneficial it could be. Practiced alone, I was able to take the opportunity to look deep into myself and realize who I was. Everything that was what I called “imposed importance” by others didn't matter, but now I had a clear idea of what did. My relationship with family and myself turned out to be the most important things to me. I was able to find acceptance deep down and it helped me progress out of the self destructive, unhealthy thoughts that swirled in my head while going through a divorce. Once I accepted what I needed to, it opened my eyes to new, healthier thoughts.
Yoga was another helpful activity. I actually took yoga and that is what opened me up to meditation. I remember the first class I took It was such a relief to finally have an hour that I didn't think about going through a divorce. I never gave it much thought or realized how effective yoga could be to relax physically, but it gave me the outlet I needed for the anxiety that plagued me. Plus, having a yoga class to leave the house for once a week turned out to be another benefit, simply giving me that small outside interaction without having the pressure to “perform”.
A hobby can be the outlet necessary to move on. When my wife first left, the very immediate thing I did was buy a guitar and started making noise. I didn't have any idea how beneficial having a hobby was going to be. I remember working and hearing a song I want to learn on the radio or my ipod. The rest of the day, I would feel excited to get home and practice, like a little kid with a new toy. Before, I wanted to be at work simply because I didn't want to think about going through a divorce and that was my escape. But having something to look forward to like learning the guitar gave me hope that I could feel normal again. I surprised myself and joined a band, completely out of my character, but good thing I did. That is how I met my new wife.
Going through a divorce is mentally, emotionally and physically draining on the mind, body and soul. It's up to us to find the things we need to recover from going through a divorce and that answer is usually within ourselves. Sometimes we just need to look.